


Grow as we Go

by skam_stan



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, happy ending i swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:26:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24903037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skam_stan/pseuds/skam_stan
Summary: David can't stomach a month away from Matteo, Matteo can't deal with the idea that he might be holding him back.
Relationships: Matteo Florenzi/David (Druck)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	Grow as we Go

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as an idea for some "Matteo-running-away" angst because sometimes Leaving Your Home is Good and Healthy. And I just can't keep away from David so it ended up like this.

David gets home to see Matteo sitting on their couch, running his hands over his thighs like he does when he’s trying to keep his hands off of a blunt. There are papers sprawled out in front of him, papers that David quickly realizes are the acceptance and itinerary information to a month long filmmaking intensive. In France.  
David had printed them out a couple of nights before, wanting to bring them in to his program advisor to look at his options. Would it be worth it? It was covered on full scholarship, but he would miss a month of work and, even worse, a whole month with Matteo.  
He doesn’t even notice David has walked in.  
“Teo?”  
Matteo whips around, quickly shuffling all the papers together in a poor coverup.  
“I was going to tell you, Matteo, I really was. Just needed to talk to my advisor first.”  
Matteo nodded quietly, and bit down on the side of his thumb. David joined him on the couch and lovingly swatted his finger out of his mouth.  
“…didn’t even know you applied,” he mumbled. David let out a long sigh at this.  
“It was super competitive, and I didn’t think I’d get in. I didn’t want you to worry about being apart for a month, and besides I don’t think I’ll-“  
“You better not say you don’t think you’ll go,” Matteo said, cutting him off swiftly. “This is…David I’m so proud of you.”  
David let Matteo bring him in for a smiling, shining kiss. But when he pulled back, he noticed David didn’t seem as excited. Matteo didn’t even have to ask what was wrong before David spilled.  
“I don’t think I should go. Anything could happen in a month, you could have a few low weeks or your mama might need help and I just hate the idea of being so far away during that.”  
“What, like it’s some fucking inevitability that I’ll crash and burn into a depressive episode while you’re gone? I’m an adult, too, David,” Matteo fired back with venom in his voice. “I can do things on my own.”  
“Baby, you know that’s not what I meant, you know I—”  
“What? Have an arsenal of babysitters for me? If you stay back now, then everything will go wrong and I’ll be the one thing that was holding you back for so long. That will be on me.”  
“Matteo, where is this even coming from? I—what happened to being proud just half a minute ago?”  
“David, every fucking thing lately circles back to my depression. I’m tired.”  
He said the word tired in a way that struck fear into David’s heart. In a way that someone only used if their whole body had been beaten into the ground by life as of late. And Matteo had, to be truthful. He had gotten out of a weeks long depressive episode, missing calls from everyone and barely eating. Only drinking water when David was sitting behind him and guiding a bottle to his lips. And then when he was reaching the end of it, when he felt good enough to let David take him outside and sit on a bench and eat kebab in silence, he got a call from his mother’s home.  
They told him that she had had an accident. That she’d go back a step in her treatment. And god, it was so fucking unfair, David thought, as he watched Matteo’s face on the other end of that phone call. As he let his hand go limp in David’s. Matteo didn’t even remember how they got home, but to David it was like wrangling a ghost onto the bus.  
So yeah, David was a little cautious about leaving for so long. And Matteo was tired. He left their living room to go stew on the balcony.  
David was still holding his bag. His shoes were still on. And he shouldn’t have done it, but he stood up from their couch and walked out. That was always his first instinct, to turn around and run away until his head felt clear. He meandered all the way to campus, past Laura’s apartment, through the sprawling park where he asked Matteo to meet them on their first date.  
Once there, his head felt clear. Matteo was right, it wouldn’t be fair to either of them if he didn’t take this opportunity. David would hate himself for it, but even worse, Matteo would hate himself for it. And then David would hate Matteo for thinking he needed to hate himself and—  
David turned around to head back to their apartment, to tell Matteo that he was sorry. Sorry for not telling him the moment he applied, because weren’t they supposed to share all of their joys together? Sorry for letting his fear get in the way of both of their happiness.  
He rushed up the stairs to their apartment and unlocked it speedily. Instead of swinging open freely, the door hit something soft and stopped. David had a few inches to look through, and there he saw Matteo.  
His back was against one end of the wall and his feet were on the other. His head was cradled between his knees and his hands were practically clawing at the back of his neck.  
David cursed and nudged the door open enough to slide through and drop down to the floor where Matteo was.  
“Matteo, please, look at me, Matteo, I need to figure out if you’re, please just lift your head up, Matteo,” David was scrambling, trying to see if Matteo was in the throes of a panic attack or coming out of the ugly side. As he lifted his head, it seemed to David like he had weather this one alone.  
As David surveyed his puffy eyes and heaving chest, he wanted to bash his own head into the wall. How could he be that stupid? Matteo had watched his own father walk out the door and return only to grab a few business suits. He went through every day wrestling with walking out on her just a few years later.  
David recalled one night when Matteo was pulled up into his chest and he muttered, “if I’m too much, you have to know that you can leave. ‘Swhat I did to her so I would deserve it, I guess.”  
He pulled Matteo up into his arms and began his litany of apologies.  
“Teo, I wasn’t thinking, I’m so sorry. I love you. I love you.”  
He could barely get any words out now, the guilt was eating him up so bad.  
“I just went for a walk, I should have told you, I’ll always tell you from now on, I’ll never leave without telling you how much I love you. That I’ll always come back.”  
He felt Matteo’s arm wrap tightly around him, and the two laid there on the floor until they could breathe again. They managed to round themselves up and crash into bed.  
“I knew you weren’t gone for good,” Matteo whispered. “I just thought that because…”  
David let him trail off and finished his thought with a kiss.  
“I know. I don’t think I can stop saying that I’m sorry.”  
Matteo kneed him in the gut and David giggled.  
“You know I forgive you. And that I just want you to go out and do all the amazing things you’re meant to do.”  
David pressed a kiss to his forehead.  
“That’s why I decided that I’m going to go. You’re right, as always, Mr. Florenzi. I need to do this.”  
Matteo let out a hum of contentment.  
“But don’t you think I won’t be at the train station when you pull away,” Matteo said. “And I’ll be right there the second your train returns. In fact, I might just live there for the whole month…”  
Matteo and David are still learning. Learning how to share news and feelings, learning how to ask for help from each other before they’re too close to the cliff’s edge or the threshold of the wrong door.  
David pulled Matteo closer to him. He always slept like the dead after having a panic attack, and tonight would be no different. They would figure out the month away when they got to it. For now, David was by Matteo’s side. Nothing was worth more to him than that.

**Author's Note:**

> If you like it, please let me know! I'm truly going through it when it comes to living at home so any feedback would really brighten my day.


End file.
